Idle Words

Let me first start by saying this post was inspired by no one person in particular, so if you're reading this please don't think I'm talking about you! That being said, I've read a few statuses on Facebook lately (I have 709 "friends" so again, don't even remember specifically whose) of pregnant women. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to (I had to take a FB hiatus for a few weeks) but a few in particular have been complaining about being pregnant.

Now I've never been pregnant long enough to feel uncomfortable or awkward, as I'm sure pregnancy can get. However, it made me a little mad, for lack of a better word, that there are people (most likely jokingly) complaining about having a precious little one inside when there are people (like me) who want nothing more than 9 months of bloating, food aversions, nausea, swelling, weight gain and uncomfortable sleep if it meant I could carry a baby to term. Again, I know these people are posting more for humor's sake or just to say something clever, but it reminded me that words are powerful and we need to watch what we say, for we never know who we may inadvertently be hurting.

Since becoming more firm in my Christian walk, I've worked hard to curb my tongue with regards to swearing or blatantly nasty talk. Obscenities, profanity, cursing, dirty jokes, or making fun of others is not something that should ever be found in the mouth of a believer. “Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving” (Ephesians 5:4 NIV). I'm also reminded that "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips" (Colossians 3:8).

Now I'm not saying that I'm perfect and NEVER utter a curse word, but it's something I make a daily conscious effort to try not to do. However, I find myself complaining about little things all the time with no idea of what I'm truly saying! It's also so easy for me to get caught up in "office gossip" and I don't even realize I'm participating in it until I've already uttered the words. Jesus warned that our words are so important that they will actually determine our condemnation or justification. He said we will be held responsible for all our words, even our careless, idle words. “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:36-37).

In Ephesians, Paul cautioned believers to not allow any corrupt or worthless talk to come from their mouth. Only those things which lift-up, encourage, and are gracious should be expressed to others. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29).

To help remind me to do this, I have a little Post-It on my desk with this saying:

While this is a good exercise in trying to keep bad talk out of your mouth, even in saying things that are "okay" by the above categories I can be misusing my words. For example:

• I shouldn't complain about hunger and say "I'm starving" because I have NO idea what real hunger is and have never gone without a meal.
• I shouldn't complain about temperature and say "I'm freezing" because I've never had to sleep outside in the true cold elements.
• I shouldn't complain about the common cold and say "I don't feel good" because I have a relatively healthy body that has never been plagued with terminal cancer or any other life threatening illness.
• I shouldn't complain about my wardrobe and say "I have nothing to wear!" because I have a closet FULL of clothes that are not only functional but stylish.
• I shouldn't complain about my job and say "I had a long day at work" because I have a job in this tough economy.
• I shouldn't complain about the clutter and say "My house is a mess" because I have a roof over my head.
• I shouldn't complain about my husband and say "My husband didn't do xyz" because I am blessed to have a husband who loves and serves me.

Lastly I'll end with a quote from motivational great Zig Ziglar who says that, "What comes out of your mouth is determined by what goes into your mind." So I need to practice filling my mind with God's word and do what it says in Philippians 4:8:

If I put God's Word and promises into my mind, those same uplifting and encouraging words will come out of my mouth. Heavenly Father, help me to do such things!

Lessons learned from a door

So last weekend we tackled THE DOOR project, and I learned so much more than just how to paint a door....

We we had NO idea what we were getting ourselves into! Our front door is a nice quality solid cherry wood with decorative glass in the middle, but the outside is all weather warped and looked pretty bad. We thought of sanding and restaining it, but after out neighbors painted their door a cheery bright red, we decided color was the way to go! We toyed with the idea of red, yellow, orange, green and blue and got samples for each color family, easily weeding out most colors. We eventually landed on the "teal" color family and I hit up Menards, Home Depot, Hirschfields, and Sherwin-Williams to get every sample of that color they had. I spent many hours cutting and taping the little paint squares into bigger square and taped those to the door, where they sat for a week while I deliberated on the colors. I posted a picture on Facebook asking for opinions as I just couldn't make up my mind! This past Saturday was the day we had free to start painting, so I had to make a choice and picked color #1 - Joyful Tears (foreshadowing, perhaps?!).

This is the only "before" photo I have of the door - as you can kind of see, worn looking wood and mismatched handle and lock - in lovely 80's brass!

We took a two day approach with Tyge sanding, wood putty-ing deep scratches, and priming the door on Saturday before our evening plans, then finishing up with the 3-4 coats of paint on Sunday after church.

My task was to ORB (oil rub bronze spray paint) the brass door handle and deadbolt, the storm door handles, the adjacent garage door handle and deadbolt, and the doorbell. I had the easy job, right? Wrong. As detailed oriented as I am, you'd think I would make a fantastic spray painter but I do not. I don't have the patience for several thin, even coats so sprayed it at close range and covered the things. They were globby and drippy, and dried even worse. Seriously, it was bad (in my eyes at the time anyway). So not only were the knobs we took off horribly done, but the once we left on were even worse! Left ON, you say? Yes, because they were too hard to take off, we left the storm door handles and garage door knobs on the doors and I just taped around them. BIG mistake. The spray paint leaked through the tape and surrounding paper, so I was left with spots of paint to clean up with mineral spirits and a Q-tip, which didn't quite do the trick.

Nice.

Tyge did SUCH a good job on the door itself that I was embarrassed to ruin it with my horrible handles. He didn't care in the least and never once made a crack about the job I did or made me feel bad. However, I felt so stupid and let that self pity affect my mood and way I acted that day. I let it get to me that the job I did wasn't "perfect" and let my anger and frustration seep out into the way I treated even Tyge. I was short, flustered, snippy, and all around not-so-nice. The worst part is, I didn't fully even realize I was being this was until Monday night, when Tyge and I were reading from the book Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs for one of our couples Bible Studies.

I was reading aloud for the two us us from Chapter 2, aptly title "To Communicate, Decipher the Code", and there were some great points in there. The whole premise of the book is how husbands are biblically commanded to LOVE their wives, and wives are biblically commanded to RESPECT their husbands, as Paul says in Ephesians 5:33, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

My jaw dropped, my voice got a bit shaky, and I had a gigantic AHA! moment when I came to page 36. Emerson explains that God tells the husband he must love (agape) his wife unconditionally and she must respect him, regardless of if he is loving to her. However through his study of the verse over the years, he came to realize that the Lord never commands the wife to agape love her husband - this is because the Lord created a woman to love. He created her to nurture, be sensitive, loving, and compassionate, all as part of her nature. Basically, God designed the woman to love, so has no need to command her to agape love her husband.

Next Emerson skips to Titus 2:4 which tells the older women to "urge the younger women to love their husbands and children", but not in an agape way. In Titus he uses the Greek word phileo, which means a human, brotherly kind of love. His point is, a young wife is created to agape love her husband and children - she is created to never stop unconditionally loving them. (Here's where my AHA! moment came) However, Emerson decodes this verse and explains that "in the daily wear and tear of life, a wife is in danger of becoming discouraged - so much so that she may lack phileo. A kind of impatient unfriendliness can come over her (who, me?!). She may scold and sigh way too much (was he AT my house last weekend?!). After all, there is always something or someone who needs correcting or fixing (HE IS TALKING RIGHT TO ME). She cares deeply (I do). Her motives are filled with agape but her methods may lack phileo."

Wow - talk about God speaking directly to me. On any other day, those verses and that teaching may just have been a nice lesson, but last weekend it hit my like a ton of bricks.

So the door turned out amazing, I learned a Godly lesson, Tyge still loves me, and all is well.

Keely thinks so too.

Moral of the Story = Home Depot can solve any problem (I bought all new ORB fixtures with the blessing of my ever patient husband, and some gift cards I won at work).

REAL Moral of the Story = When I am struggling or mad at myself, I need to be honest and admit that to my husband, asking for (and be open to receiving!) a little extra love. I can't sulk in silence and let it affect the way I treat him, but rather I need to practice the phileo love that takes work, in addition to the agape love that God created in me to come naturally.

I have the most patient and loving husband in the world.