My love for singing started at a young age when I got the "lead" role as Mother Nature in the 5th grade play - big time now! From there, I took voice lessons and was in involved in concert choir, chamber choir, music camps, All State Choirs, musical theater, basically anything I could get my - er, voice? - on. Since it wasn't my chosen major in college I sadly didn't do much singing in those years, other than karaoke. :) After college I would sing in weddings of friends or family whenever asked, and have done close to 30 to date - I love using my gift in that way! Aside from that (and still karaoke, of course) I haven't really used my voice in front of others or in a choral setting since high school.
I've always known that I loved singing, I've always recognized that it was a gift from God and NOT my own talent, but it wasn't until after those high school choral years that I realized it was my way of connecting with God. Those high school years were when I really honed my craft, thanks to my choir teacher and mentor Ms. Sagen. I learned to stretch my range, to read music, be on pitch, sing harmonies and melodies, proper breath support, all the technical parts of singing. I always sang with my heart and truly FELT the words of any piece I was singing. However, it wasn't until after high school that I began using my voice to worship Him and felt the difference between singing and worship. I suppose I went to youth group and sang the songs and had some Michael W. Smith and Steven Curtis Chapman on cassette tape as a kid, but didn't connect the dots until a later age. I believe it was at a Vespers at Bethel college when visiting Betsy one weekend when I heard the songs so powerfully throughout the auditorium and sang my heart out. I was using my gift to praise the Giver of all and I realized it was my way of thanking Him. Some people pray, some journal, some fellowship, some dig into the Word and while I do all of the above, the way I worship the best and feel the closest to God is through music - through using my voice to honor and praise Him.
Last night I was invited to be a part of the worship practice at church and I cannot begin to explain what an uplifting experience that was. Since college, I have been a part of various churches and always loved the worship part of the service best. When Tyge and I found a church that we went to regularly after getting engaged the first thing I wanted to do be a part of the worship team, using my voice and serving God in that way. My tryout process at that church was very disheartening to say the least and I began to get almost bitter towards the end of our time there. Looking back, I know that was Satan attacking me and trying to get be to believe lies that I wasn't good enough, but it was a hard experience all the same. I so badly desired to use my God given talents to praise Him, and though I tried more times than one, was never "accepted". Worship almost became hard for me to do - it's wrong and hard to explain, but that's how I felt at the time.
So when Tyge and I found our current church and started regularly attending, I again felt the nudge to try out for the worship team. This experience was night and day different and I felt a connection with the leader right away. As I said in my last 3TT post, I was put on a long term sub list (they don't just add new members right away) and invited to last night's practice - I was even already asked to sing this weekend, but can't - bummer! So last night I went to practice, having prepared the songs ahead of time, but not knowing what to expect. I was very excited but also nervous. Would I be invited to sing? Would I just watch? Would I remember how to read music? Would I forget how to harmonize? Would I know how to again follow a director in a group setting? I can say without hesitation, it all came back to me. Like that. I opened my mouth to sing the first worship song and my heart didn't stop smiling the entire practice. I felt so connected to God, so on fire for Him, so ALIVE. It was an experience that I am so grateful for and even if I don't get invited to sing at a Sunday service again anytime soon, it was so redeeming to know that I belong singing for Him, if that makes sense...
Please watch!
The Awakening (as sung by the SWACDA Collegiate Honor Choir):
"I dreamed a dream, a silent dream of a land not far away ,where no bird sang, no steeples rang, and teardrops fell like rain. I dreamed a dream; a silent dream. I dreamed a dream of a land so filled with pride that every song, both weak and strong, withered and died. I dreamed a dream. No hallelujah; not one hosanna! No song of love, no lullaby. And no choir sang to change the world. No pipers played, no dancers twirled. I dreamed a dream; a silent dream. Awake, awake! Soli deo gloria! Awake, Awake! Awake my soul and sing, the time for praise has come. The silence of the night has passed, a new day has begun! Let music never die in me; forever let my spirit sing! Wherever emptiness is found let there be joy and glorious sound. Let music never die in me; forever let my spirit sing! Let all our voices join as one to praise the giver of the sun! Awake, awake! Let music live!"
