Monday, May 21, 2012

What would have been

Today, May 21st, would have been my due date with baby #1. I think that's a date that will forever be burned in my mind - it's kind of hard to forget. I still vividly remember the excitement of the day I told Tyge we were having a baby, and all the plans I started to make right away for a May baby. Unfortunately, I also remember the pain I felt when I miscarried and realized we wouldn't be having that May baby that we already loved and had started to plan for.

I'd be lying if I said the fact that I'm 6 months pregnant now doesn't help ease the pain of today. Petrie #2 is in NO way a replacement for our first baby, but knowing that we'll soon have this baby to hold in our arms and not just in our hearts is comforting. I honestly can't imagine how I'd feel if we were still trying to conceive or had a second miscarriage and KNOW we're so blessed to have this current healthy pregnancy. I pray for my friends who are trying to conceive every day - infant loss/infertility is such a tough thing to go through and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

So today isn't really a day of sadness or mourning for me, more just reflecting and wondering what would have been. Would that baby have been a boy or girl? Would they have looked like me or Tyge? I do know we'll meet them in heaven someday and find out for ourselves, which also brings comfort. I also know that God had a reason and plan for that baby not to be born, and for us to have our Petrie soon instead. I'm sure when we hold him/her in our arms in 3 months we won't be able to imagine life without them, which wouldn't be possible if we had that first baby.

Most people have to wait years or their whole lifetime to understand God's reasons and plans for bad things happening in their life. For some reason, God was so gracious to Tyge and me and revealed that reason to us within months. I don't fully know if the mission trip was the one and only reason for the first baby loss, but if that was it, then that's enough for me! After a tragedy, many people have to just have faith that God knows what He's doing and live with that, but it was so clear to me that we couldn't have gone on the Puebla trip had we still been pregnant with baby #1. It was a life changing, incredible experience (THAT I STILL NEED TO FINISH BLOGGING ABOUT!!!) and I can't imagine having not gone.

In the days following the miscarriage, before any reasons were revealed to me, two verses that brought me comfort were these: 

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the pans I have for you" declared the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, pans to give you hope and a future."

Proverbs 19:21 - Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

They helped at the time, and I can now so clearly see that God has a larger plan for our family that we can even imagine. So though I do wonder today what would have been, I am more excited than ever for what is to come - I KNOW with certainty that it is better than anything I would have planned on my own!

Friday, May 18, 2012

I love me a deal...

If you know me, you know I love making lists. And researching items before buying. AND Craigslist! So begins the story of how we got my dream stroller for $200 off!!!

Apparently there are a million strollers out there in a thousand different categories, with a hundred variations of each one. I began stroller research really early on the the first pregnancy (something about strollers is so interesting to me!), so had already done much of it and hadn't really done anything more this time around. Reading reviews and watching videos are much different than actually pushing around a stroller, so recently Tyge and I had a fun baby day date on Grand Avenue and visited Baby Grand to do just that. Based on my previous research, I had narrowed my stroller choices down to the UppaBaby Vista, Bumbleride Indie, Baby Jogger City Elite, and the every popular BOB.

When we got there, we were able to rule out the UppaBaby right away because we decided we really wanted a triwheel model that we can do light jogging with and also use as an everyday stroller.

Tyge really wanted the BOB because, well, it is the top-dawg of running strollers. I really liked the Indie because it had some great stroller features as well as the ability to job, whereas I felt the BOB was too sporty for us me. We also really liked the BabyJogger, but in the end Tyge agreed with me that the Indie was the prefect hybrid between a jogger and an everyday stroller with some awesome features.

Baby Grand is only selling the 2012 models now and nothing has changed from 2011 to 2012, except they actually took out a few accessories but kept the price the same. Because of that, I really wanted a 2011 model. They did have one 2011 in the color I wanted, but before committing to buy there, my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to check out my beloved Craigslist to see if there were any used ones out there, and at what price.

Lo and behold, I found a listing for the exact model we wanted at a local boutique - they were selling their floor model at $200 OFF!!! It seemed to good to be true, so I went over my lunch break to check it out and it was indeed, exactly what I wanted. The floor model was in pristine condition, never used outside, and 40% off what Baby Grand was asking - easy decision! So check that off The List - stroller bought!
The beautiful Bumbleride Indie!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012


Wow, it's been a long time since I've done a 3TT or blogged in general! I have a lot going on right now, which would lead one to believe I have a lot to say or blog about, but I haven't spent as much time chronicling it as I would like. Something to work on ...We're starting to paint and do things in the nursery this weekend, so that should be something to blog about! :)

Three Things I'm Thankful/Excited for:

1. Boating season is officially open! Tyge and I had a lovely date last night on the boat, complete with dinner from Good Earth that he so thoughtfully picked up. And cake, to belatedly celebrate Mother's Day. We were out there for a few hours, just enjoying the sunshine and each other's company and it was just awesome. I look forward to hopefully many more weeknights and weekends of boating this summer before Petrie comes!

Keely loooved getting out last night!

2. Petrie's kicks and punches - he/she is moving and grooving around all day, and it's so neat to feel the little person. Tyge finally got to feel a kick from the outside last week and I was so glad he finally got to participate in that way. I don't take this pregnancy for granted for one second, and am so grateful for every little movement.

3. Our upcoming "Babymoon" (even though I hate that term) to Fort Myers - really looking forward to spending a few days away with my hunny before the baby comes with no to-do list, no work, no social obligations, just us. Our last trip alone before things change in a big (but good!) way!

Three Things I'm Praying For:

1. Tyge's leg - he is running the Tough Mudder this weekend (basically a half marathon with 28 crazy obstacles) with bad shin splints. The last training run he did a few weeks ago hurt his leg so badly that he couldn't walk for days after. He's been training so hard and I know it means a lot to him to do this race, so I'm praying that his leg holds out and he can finish, and not be in too much pain or do permanent damage after.

2. Some work stress for Tyge and myself - nothing major, but just things I'm praying about. Going with that is just managing all we have to "do" between work, baby prep, social things, etc. Again, all good things, it's just a bit overwhelming at times.

3. Continued health and growth for Petrie.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

New each morning

We all have them, and yesterday was a bad day for me. I won't go into details, but stress of certain things plus pregnancy hormones = a very bad day. I could sense myself believing Satan's lies throughout the day that I wasn't good enough, even though I KNOW my identity is in Christ and not my job or anything else! One of my awesome coworkers could tell I was having a tough time so sent me this reminder over IM: 

Hang in there. Your identity is not what anyone says about you on any given day. Your Identity is Christ's daughter, saved and redeemed by his grace. That is who you are, what matters, and what is important every day, good days or bad. Does not make the circumstances any easier, but it's truth. Try to remember that when you are being told, or made to feel you're doing a bad job.

Wow. I took a few moments after reading that and prayed as I renounced the lies I was feeling. I also texted some prayer warriors and felt peace as I was covered in prayer. Tyge was out of town so I got to talk to him on the phone about my crappy day, but I didn't vent to or lean on him as much as I would have had he been home, and I learned a valuable lesson.

I so often go to Tyge/family/friends to vent/talk/cry before (and in some cases even in place of!) going to God. For some reason having someone tangible to listen to and verbally agree with me is easier and more instantly gratifying than taking it to God and "waiting" on His wisdom, guidance, and comfort. So because Tyge wasn't there last night to listen to me whine :) I spent a lot of time in prayer, talking to God. Okay, and to Keely.

I went to bed feeling peace and calm, and woke up feeling the same way. This morning I had a 7 AM dentist appointment and was honestly a bit nervous as I've only ever had one cavity and didn't react so well to the Novocaine and drilling, but I was feeling good about it today. As soon as I got there, the dentist took a look in my mouth and said that it was such a small cavity that he didn't need to drill, and only needed to put some sealant on the side of my tooth! The whole process took a few minutes and I was done. I went to the front to pay what I thought was going to be around $150 (what insurance quoted me) and the receptionist said the Dr. did it no charge - I was good to go.

I got to my car and just thanked God - his mercy, grace, and love is amazing! After such a tough day yesterday, I cried out to Him and He showed me His love in a real, tangible way. Since I was done earlier than I thought I was able to get an iced (decaf!) coffee and spend some time in the Word. I read Lamentations 3:22-23:

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

These words hit me as so true - only God could take the emotions of a pregnant woman and through His compassion, give her peace and make her feel loved. Today I chose joy over my circumstances and you know what? The things that happened weren't necessarily any better, but I chose to not let anything steal my joy or believe any lies, and it was a good day.

Praise God for his mercies that are new each morning!

Our lake one morning last summer