Moving along

I say moving along and not moving ON, because I don't know when I'll ever have 100% moved ON from this. There will always be a little piece of me that wonders who this baby would have been, I will always have love for them, and can't wait to meet them in heaven someday. Come May 21st, I will most certainly wish they were here.

However, I am moving along. I am doing much better physically, mentally, and emotionally than I was last week (I didn't add spiritually because I guess I was never really struggling in that area). I found out last Tuesday, and the rest of the week was such a blur due to meetings with my VP on Wednesday and the all day (12 hour day!) UHG Charity Golf Event on Thursday. I was able to channel "Business Kate" and push my feelings aside for those two days. I worked from home on Friday, then Tyge and I headed to Duluth Saturday morning for a wedding. It was really nice to get out of the house, enjoy a Mexican lunch with his parents on Saturday, then get dressed up and eat yummy food, drink champagne, and dance at the wedding. Yesterday was also really good - Tyge and I slept in, had breakfast overlooking Lake Superior, and spent the day walking along the lake (where our water obsessed lab also swam). We did a little shopping, got some ice cream, had a late lunch, and just enjoyed each other's company. It was really healing to take it easy and have a nice date day with my hunny. We didn't really talk about "it", just had a quiet day as husband and wife.

That being said, I am feeling much better today. I have felt all the prayers coming my way, and friends and family are still checking in via text and email. Jesus truly is the great comforter and healer, and with each day that passes I feel more peace. Writing things down here and being able to process aloud (on a screen?) has helped. Understanding things more also helps - I had a good conversation with Joanie at Generations to answer a few lingering questions. Like I said, last week happened so fast, then I had work functions to attend, so I didn't fully wrap my head around it and ask all the questions I needed to. She was great to talk to today and helped me to understand what had happened, what to expect now, and when to move on. The answer to that is, physically speaking, we are okay to start trying again right away! She made it clear that we need to be ready mentally as well and that may take time, but I think I'll be ready. We so badly desire a child and are as ready as we can be, but do trust in God's timing. I am slightly afraid that the next time we get pregnant, I'll spend the whole first 12 weeks worrying and wondering, so I'll have to ask those around me to pray against that.

So although I'm feeling better today, I am giving myself grace if I feel crappy again tomorrow. Grieving is a process, and I don't want to skip any steps in it or push myself to get back to "normal" too fast. After all, Jesus promises us in Matthew 5:4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Amen!