Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Quality Time

When Tyge and I were going through marriage prep in 2008, we read The Five Love Languages - a must read for all engaged or married (or dating!) couples. The basic synopsis is that each person gives and receives love in different ways, so in order to best love your significant other you have to know what their love language is and speak it to them. It explains how it is so important to speak and understand your mate's love language to effectively love them and truly feel loved in return. The book has a test (free example here) you take to determine what yours is - both in how you give and how you receive love. 

Five Love Languages:
1. Physical Touch
2. Acts of Service
3. Quality Time
4. Words of Affirmation
5. Receiving Gifts

When I took the test three years ago, the way I received love was Quality Time - I felt most loved by Tyge when he would spend quality time with me. To me, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. And it doesn't have to be a big expensive date night each time - it can be as simple as siting together in our screen porch drinking coffee and talking (but NOT talking about schedules or to-do lists, which fall into doing a lot). The fact that Tyge is truly present with me—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes me feel truly special and loved. We have such a busy schedule and so little margin in our lives that carving out this QT is so necessary for me and how I best feel loved by him. I unknowingly get cranky when we don't have enough QT or it's been awhile, and it takes it's toll on our relationship.

Recently (comes with being a homeowner perhaps) I've thought my primary love language was shifting to Acts of Service because I feel so loved and really appreciate it when Tyge does things around the house, gasses my car, cooks dinner for me so I can exercise, lets the dog out so I can sleep in, etc. However, with him being gone for hunting (and the new Call of Duty coming out haha) we haven't had much QT lately and I've found myself getting short, edgy, and stressed. I attributed it to being busy or something, but it wasn't until yesterday that I realized I was just craving QT with the hubs!

He has the whole week off so came downtown to have sushi with me yesterday and it was such a treat! There were a million other things he could have been doing but he chose to come have lunch with me and we had a great uninterrupted hour together. It's amazing how 60 short minutes of quality time with him completely refreshed my "love bucket" and I went back to work so giddy! I noticed I was more patient with him last night and all around happier. I guess my love language is still Quality Time after all, and I am SO thankful for a husband who knows that about me and loves me in that way!


  1. Matt and I read this book together when we got engaged, too! LOVE IT!

  2. I swear I posted on this the other day.... but I wanted to know what Tyge's Love Language is!

  3. His is Words of Affirmation, so I try to tell him how much I appreciate him often! :)